Sorrow and Forgiveness

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

I harbor a hurt in my heart. I’m not sure how long it will take before it leaves but it is an ever present reminder of a sorrow that is hard to let go.

I learned many years ago that religious leaders aren’t perfect. You cannot count on them to never fail. But for a time, I had believed in my Pastor and it went wrong. It went really wrong.

I remember sitting in our church that had sustained me and comforted me through some of the most difficult and dark days of my life. Sunday services were my personal sanctuary. Sunday nights I turned everything over to God and just sat quietly as I tried to glean some words of comfort and grace through the service. For eight months one particular year as my Mother struggled with cancer, this was something I looked forward to and which kept me strong.

The church saved me in so many ways. Comfort came through the preaching, the concern, the serving, but especially the actual words spoken that seemed aimed directly at me in a room full of hurting and wounded souls.

Some people look back and realize that they did not appreciate this time. I remember clearly thinking that I could not believe how GREATLY blessed we were through our church leadership. We had something special. His messages were a gift from God…his failings were not.

Today, I am missing Pastor Isaac. I mourn his loss and I thank Jesus for one who tried and succeeded in reaching others for Christ. I wish he could have forgiven himself.

Jesus, watch over him for us.

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